Investor Guide
New Free Market

Stories are our businessTM

Free Market  
Date: 2018/04/11 19:38 By: rockefeller Status: Visitor  
Karma: 0  
Platinum Boarder

Posts: 210

Rockthustra read this badboy about a week ago, and has been letting it metaphorically simmer on his back (and only) burner ever since. He remembers reading it in pretty big gulps, and so the VC might have to forgive him bits he's misunderstood or missed. Technically, he recalls it as being okay. Some problems with conditional tense maybe is all. Text like, "Pain spiked my brain as if someone drove a metal stake into it," which should read "had driven," and which is incidentally also a bit Dan Brownian simile-wise, one test being, Can the simile be inverted? The answer here being, yes. Yes it can: Pain staked my brain as if someone had driven a metal spike into it. See? Sure sign of a weak, usually knee-jerk simile.

Another Dan Brownian aspect of this cap is all the contrived hooks. Really, the whole thing is hook. Who am I? Where am I? How'd I get here? Who are all these unhelpful people? And what's with this train that occasionally schleps someone off to who knows where? (Fitting title though.) There's italicized prose inserted throughout pertaining to all these mysteries, something to do with a couple who's planting something symbolic of, Rocks thinks, their dead child, though he could well be wrong.

But the most Dan Brownian aspect of this puppy was that the resolution of the hooks, as in their eventual big reveal, was somehow both predictable and disappointing. Like remember in The Da Vinci Code that mature French woman who cruelly and completely severed all ties with her beloved grandfather because of something she saw him doing in some pagan fertility ceremony? Brown floats this a big hairy secret and mystery for half the fucking book, when everyone who read it knew perfectly well, right from the get go, the guy was just having sex with one of the other participants. This cap's like that. The MC's dead and the train's just how the dead are transported to their deserved afterlives.

In case it's not yet clear, Rocks really hates the writings of Dan Brown. And it's not just sour grapes, though it might mean there's nothing stopping this VC's fiction from also becoming insanely popular. Still, no. Not even close really. Thus spake Rockthustra.
Click here to see the profile of this user The topic has been locked.

Date: 2018/04/11 20:50 By: bulldust Status: Admin  
Karma: 0  

Posts: 104
When the Bullmeister was young, he believed that all good bovines go to heaven. He knew for sure that there was a great accounting that sorted the bad cows from the good ones and sent the good ones to the plentiful pasture in the sky.

There was never any talk of purgatory. I had not even become familiar with it until young adulthood. I suppose it makes sense. Some of us have shit we need to sort out before we move on. This happens when we are living, so why not when we die?

This being said, it’s hard to write a good purgatory cap. So many tropes, so many clichés, and few of them are really spectacular. The train metaphor is not unique, nor is the cold or the haze. The interactions between characters are okay. Since most can’t remember who they are, it doesn’t leave much to character build on.

White Haze is technically fine. The composition is not bad at all. But as my colleague Rocks states, it’s all gimmick and no substance. Sure there are flashes of emotional ties to the main character’s wife, but it’s not enough.

So I have to agree with the Rockster. This is a no for me, too. Hopefully, you can find a home for it elsewhere, but the monkey is just not into it.
Click here to see the profile of this user The topic has been locked.