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Date: 2018/05/14 18:10 By: rockefeller Status: Visitor  
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"If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing." - Corinthians 13.2

Still, Rocks would rather hang out with Mister All-Knowing Nothing than Mister I Love Everyone to Pieces Something.

Anyway, here's a fable rich in literary allusions, a few of which don't even go over Rocks' oddly shaped head. The specifics, the little scene and setting details, are good. Solid voice and pace. The prose flows. Some funny bits, too. Seems like it's meant to parodize the three-wishes genre, except that here the MC gets only one wish, which must be selfish, and that the granter, a metaphysical emoticon whom the MC's rescued from an eternal yellow swirly, promises will not be fucked with. After his request for global nuclear disarmament is refused, the MC wishes for a potion that will make anyone love him, which he intends to use only on hot babes.

The metaphysical emoticon tries to talk him out of this, warns him it will backfire (duh), and encourages him to opt for riches instead. But the MC, who likes getting laid, insists. So he gets his magic potion, and puts it immediately to good use. The metaphysical emoticon checks in regularly to see if the wheels have figuratively fallen off the MC's growing harem, but they never do. The MC is enjoying his wish. The metaphysical emoticon offers to take back the wish and threatens him with supernatural repercussions otherwise. But the MC does not relinquish his wish. So a different supernatural emoticon shoots him in the back with an arrow (probably, Rocks thinks, as a nod to Cupid), killing him instantly. The end. Well... except for some confusing global dissemination of the magic potion which consequences are, for Rocks, anyway, unclear.

No, Rocks did not get it.
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Date: 2018/05/14 18:20 By: bulldust Status: Admin  
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Let me start with my anger.

The Bull is peeved. For some reason, Amazon decided to nuke all the product reviews the Bullmeister ever made. Now, this is not a huge deal because the Bull’s opinion doesn’t mean shit to most people, but hell they won’t even let me make new ones:

Sorry, we are unable to accept your review of this product. Your previous review of this product did not comply with our Customer Review Guidelines. Amazon does not permit reviews from customers whose relationship to the product or seller may be perceived as biased.

Again, nobody gives a crap about my product reviews, but Amazon won’t even tell me why I’ve been banned. What led them to believe that I have written biased reviews? Could I possibly have said something so offensive to piss up all of Amazon? What did I say? I need to know so I can bottle those magically offensive words. This is utter madness!

And speaking of madness and reviews, I submit to you “Love-In-Idleness; Or, You Just Might Get It”.

I spent some time living in the DC area, and never noticed the lack of bathroom facilities. It may be that I didn’t take the Metro enough or that I’m unobservant. Most likely it’s because as a bovine being, I crap where I’m standing without any regard for where I am. This doesn’t always go over well for my fellow passengers. In fact, this is what got me banned from Septa.

The cap starts with Dave traveling to a party when he finds a magic restroom with Puck the sprite imprisoned in the bathroom’s only stall. Dave frees the fairy and earns himself a wish that is specifically not altruistic. Dave does what any red-blooded male would do, he wishes for bitches. Puck hesitantly complies and gives him the bitch love spray. He complies, but not without trying to warn Dave. Dave will not hear any of it.

Dave makes it to the party, uses the formula to get said bitches and even ends up bringing a friend into the deal. Soon there is a lot of love to go around.

Puck shows up a couple of times to offer Dave a way out when he discovers that Dave used the bitch love spray on himself. When Dave will not comply Puck warns him of dire consequences.

There were minor grammatical errors, but nothing horrific. The wording of the last paragraph threw me for a loop. I had to read it a few times to get it. The sentence felt a little awkward.

“And when those violet signs were delivered as rain, to London, New York, Moscow, Beijing, Johannesburg, Tokyo, Tehran, Rio De Janeiro, and Sidney, the newspapers that got caught were stained with thick purple stripes when they dried out two days later.”

Overall, the cap was well written and flowed well. The end left me contemplating whether Dave’s original wish, effectively an end to war, was fulfilled by his selfless act. Or was his act intentionally selfless? Maybe he was just his idleness.

After great thought, I will give this a “no” vote. I felt it came close, but the end needed too much rereading to make the impact it should have.
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