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AHOY RORSCHALK: monica strina
Date: 2018/04/07 21:38 By: tqr Status: Admin  
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Dear Mr Rorschalk,

Once again thank you very much for taking the time to read and comment on a long, long venture of mine. I appreciate it very much, and am delighted that it made you feel that way. That's what I write for!

As for the ending, I would like to try and tweak it if possible, in a way that would be acceptable to us both. As I see it, there are three possibilities:

- She doesn't have a child at all. There is nothing left of Mirko, only memories.

- She has a child with someone else (or is pregnant when she gets there, in which case the previous miscarriage episode might have to be deleted) but brings him up as though Mirko was his father.

- She has a child with Will (even though he is not interested in women) so that both have, in a way, something left that might somehow remind them of Mirko.

May I ask you what you think about this?

Thank you,

Best,

Monica (just Monica, not miss
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Re:AHOY RORSCHALK: monica strina
Date: 2018/04/10 18:21 By: tqr Status: Admin  
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TQR: Glad you brought up the miscarriage. I wasn't sure what that scene was about. I thought it was a positive pregnancy test scene and so was wondering about the child left behind as she spent her time in the tree house as well. Could be I was just skimming too much over that detail...I do remember clearly a section talking about how her body had suddenly become old, partially so by the effects of the pregnancy. I assumed a pregnancy that had resulted in a child. One suggestion that might make the aforementioned miscarriage scene which I had misconstrued as a pregnancy test unnecessary is to simply add on to that part I referenced about her body becoming suddenly old, add on to the excuse of pregnancy with something like "by a pregnancy that had, thankfully, never come to term". Thereby putting to rest any doubt about a child early in the narrative so it isn't hanging there unresolved in the air.

I am intrigued by the child conceived with Will narrative. This shows self sacrifice of the highest order by both characters, their most adamant common denominator is their undying love for Mirko. I feel this truth is not fully realized in Will's character the way TCOTT is currently written. There is even an inkling of this happening early in the narrative that I do recall as standing out as a subtle sign o what may be to come, so it would definitely not come from out of the blue. This ending is certainly capable of achieving the transcendence that I am always striving for and harping on about with you. I have gained the belief, through academic studies of religion and certain instances of the act itself, that making love is the closest humans can get to knowing what it's like to be God. Stripping away self to become something purely spirit. I can see TCOTT attaining this height with just the right touch.

What do you think?
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Re:AHOY RORSCHALK: monica strina
Date: 2018/04/10 18:23 By: tqr Status: Admin  
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MONICA STRINA: Yes, the misunderstanding about the pregnancy is caused by the fact that her first pregnancy (caused by the man who mistreated her) ended in miscarriage, but then, after returning to the house on the tree and meeting Will, she had another (successful) pregnancy achieved thanks to the frozen sample of Mirko's sperm. This way, I thought, all of them could show their great (perhaps excessive) love for Mirko: by nurturing a child who would for ever remind them of the one they missed so much.

I can certainly add the clarification about the miscarriage, but when I talk about how a pregnancy has made her older, I mean the successful pregnancy.

What do you think? I could leave out the successful pregnancy completely, and just end IT with the three of them missing Mirko terribly - and perhaps the two main characters taking care of Fili, who is a bit like a child. Or else I could clarify the miscarriage part and keep the successful one (but in your first email you mentioned your dislike for this solution) ...

Oh, I'm sorry, I had misread the end of your second Gmail. I see now you meant you are interested in the idea of a child conceived with Will. I am definitely up for working on this and seeing what comes out of it. Is it all right with you if I do some work on the ending and then send it back to you?

[7 HOURS LATAH]

Hello again,

What do you think of this ending?

Thank you and goodnight.

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Re:AHOY RORSCHALK: monica strina
Date: 2018/04/10 18:29 By: tqr Status: Admin  
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TQR: That is good. I'm glad you didn't think you needed to write a whole new scene. But, I need something from Will. He is such an important character that he deserves more than just being mentioned as the sperm donor. Some dialogue to show his anguish at never having been able to let her know that as much as Mirko meant to her, Mirko meant just as much to him. Combined with the advance he makes to let her know his intention ... and then for the denouement a cut back to her as an old lady saying something about how that was the 2nd happiest moment of her life? OK. Yeah. Maybe putting too much of myself in there, but maybe also to spark that perfect ending that we're not quite at yet. I realize you can ruin something by over engineering it. Best to keep it simple. Could end abruptly with the perfect words from Will and the obvious direction of the moment they have together.

The Thor paragraph is almost too idyllic. Like Will said somewhere earlier, Mirko is just a man.


Thank you for hanging in there with me. I hope/think we can hammer this out.
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Re:AHOY RORSCHALK: monica strina
Date: 2018/04/10 18:31 By: tqr Status: Admin  
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MONICA STRINA: Thank you for reading it. I think that throughout the PIECE, Will has expressed his frustration at Marta thinking she is the only one to miss Mirko very often, and I don't want to overdo it, but I added some dialogue to the last page which I hope goes towards this in a discreet manner, and also Will's veiled suggestion.

I have also introduced a quick reference to her looking back in her old age. As for the Thor reference, I have changed the sentence to show that that's just how they portrayed Mirko to the child - many children have a super hero in mind as a model, but this particular child is given an even higher figure to look up to because of the broken love these three characters have for the one who is gone. I am attaching two versions of the last page, one with a smarmy exchange between Marta and Will, one without. What do you think?
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Re:AHOY RORSCHALK: monica strina
Date: 2018/04/10 18:32 By: tqr Status: Admin  
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Sorry to keep you waiting again. Been out all day. Will read now.

I really like the non-smarmy one. At that point, all facades have fallen away. Brilliant. If I can make a few slight changes in the dialogue about the genes and then tweak the last line. I'll send it to you tomorrow since I'm a bit rushed. But I think we've got ourselves a deal! So glad you went back to her as an old lady, too, which really brings it all full circle. Thank you!



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