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Total Quality Reading

Stories are our business ™




Are you Holding? = "do you have any capital on your person presently?"

[The] Artist formerly known as john/janeVC = a venture capitalist who has commanded each level of capital discrimination successfully, thus shedding the generic chrysalis of john or jane, transformed into their own unique selves again, the superstar scribner of the precious Capital Gain.   

Borgesed = being amazed, mystified, bemused and befuddled all at once.

Broker = What Boligard Doomey wants to be known as instead of a Capital Manager because he thinks he is some kind of special or something.

Call me Sally and Slap my Ass = "I was really impressed by this capital asset." "This is the best capital I've examined all month."

Capital [slang: cap] = stories.


Capital Manager = editorial staff of TQR.

Capital Gains = the education and/or aesthetic value gained from reading a story. Also the title of TQR's treasure trove of quarterly stories.

Carpet Bombed = the condition of being overwhelmed by an abundance of capital. Usually uttered by an overworked Terminali. Carpet Bombing =the act of deluging (usually the Terminali) someone with numerous ventures for vetting.

Captain Kirked / Kirking = Innovating like nobody's business / Trailblazing / Going where no man [transvestite, transgender, eunuch, hermaphrodite and/or woman] has gone before. Archaic: Getting it on with the ladies.

Casualty = a Capital Manager that does not survive the tenacious neck-snapping antics involved with all things TQR. 

Crapital = Capital with an "r" or crappy stories 

The Enron of E-zines = first slogan of TQR. Vehemently voted down by investors and staff alike. Happily relegated to the dustbin of herstory, although a few staff members will accidentally let it slip from their keyboards from time to time.

Floorite = those that work on the floor, a subculture of TQR.

Goodstuff = capital of high quality.

Grok = from Robert A. Heinlein's novel Stranger in a Strange Land, meaning "to understand something so well that it is fully absorbed into oneself" (; often misspelled Grock which has a multitude of other meanings.

Jack the cosmos = mess with someone's (usually a VC) mind.

john/janeVC = the term of endearment all venture capitalists receive until their ventures rise to the exalted level of capital gain
I'm a businessman = Fuck you -or- Pardon me, depending on context of usage, which is hardly ever easily inferred.

Investors = readers of TQR (they are investing their valuable time).

The Monkey = TQR, the whole kit and kaboodle.

PCG = Prospective Capital Gain.

Schrodinger's Cap = The fact all capital ventures have already been written due to the kinetic energy latent -- and yet already fired off like a cannon in this best of all possible worlds --  inside the minds of all creative imaginations across the universe.   

Slap my Ass and Call me Sally = see Call me Sally and Slap my Ass

Sugar = adjectives, as in overuse of; Example of Usage: "This capital has too much sugar, it made me vomit."

Terminali = those algorithms and assorted sentient electronic impulses that vet capital in the Terminal.

TQFB = Total Quantitative Faculty Burnout. A symptom of reading too many run-of-the-mill 'Literary' e-zines. The only known cure for this debilitating disease of the soul is heavy doses of TQR.

Touch/Touches/Touched/Touching the monkey = off the charts good. Usually used in relation to capital, but growing in popularity as a general, all-around superlative. Example of usage: "That new Green Day song touches the monkey, yo."

The Unzine = something cool that hasn't quite yet been defined, quite yet.

Venture Capitalist (VC)  = all those who contribute stories to TQR.